Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Life.

It's been a while and this may turn out to be a bit of a rant but I feel like I need to air my feelings a little bit and perhaps explain my absences...


Over the last few months, things have got a little bit too much - Working full-time in a very stressful job, studying my last module for my degree, working a business from home and being a Mum to a very demanding 2 year old. For any human, this would be a lot, for me, I thought it was manageable. That was until something inside of me broke. Something that I thought I was holding onto quite well, something that I didn't really knew existed. My sanity has always been something that I've been praised for - I'm quite strong willed, I can deal with things relatively well and I can take a lot of things on at once and just, well, get on with it. That was the old me.

From around October time, I noticed a change. I didn't really want to go out with friends or struggled to make the effort, I was constantly busy and never really had time for anything or anyone else. Work was busy, life was busy and things were just too much. I tried to get on with it, as usual, until it started to effect areas of my life that were pretty strong. My relationship started to take a bit of a hit and I just wasn't happy. I don't know why I wasn't happy, I just wasn't. It wasn't anything anyone had done, it wasn't a situation that I had ever really been in before and all it took was a bad day at work and that was it.

I had been diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression which is something I would never, ever have put myself into a category of. Do you know why? Because I thought I was strong. I thought I could deal with everything that was happening on my own. I don't bring others into situations that I'm struggling with because I like to deal with them on my own. I'm not argumentative and I have quite a tendency to put things to the back of my mind and let them stew for a while before dealing with them. This is my problem, I know this but it's something I've always done and to change a life long habit is something that we would all struggle with.

I am happier now, I feel better in myself, I've prioritised a lot of things in my life and I am enjoying everything a little more. I just wanted people who feel like they're in a similar position to know that it's ok. You're not the only one and please don't think you have to tackle things alone. There are people here for you to talk to, to rant to, to cry to. We're here.

You're not super-human, no one is.